Dromore Cathedral

By my reckoning, we’re just over half way through Lent and everywhere I turn I hear “No thanks, better not, I’m off that for Lent.” It’s usually as I’m biting into my iced tea cake I treat myself to while I read in my favourite cafe at lunchtime. I’m really starting to think that Lent has been hijacked in the same way that Christmas has. Difficult days to be a Christian #1: When people who don’t go to church are observing a ‘holier’ Lent than you are.

Today, walking through Dromore at school chucking out time eating a large ice-cream, seen by many, minus one point.  But, yesterday, was caught by one person reading a ‘holy’ book that wasn’t the Bible, because I wanted to not because I felt I had to, plus one point.    I wish I had more than a few verses to read about Jesus struggles at that time, how he coped and what was he thinking about? Usually a 4o day ordeal (by today’s standards) would be a lengthy book at least and a medical paper about how the body and mind changes during such an ordeal, but Matthew’s account is 11 verses long.

It’s a game of two halves, and my Lent is a long way from over.

I lay in bed yesterday morning, my inner selves battling over a morning walk.  One side was victorious when my son came into the bedroom and flung open the curtains to reveal a significant snow fall.  (Well, significant enough to merit having to take a shovel to the driveway to get the car out.)  My guilt is like the snow, which has now all but disappeared.  Today is another day in Lent, I hesitate to say my sins can be forgiven, I’d call them omissions.

It’s been a difficult week.  So, here it is:  “Difficult Situations to be a Christian #1 : When you’re asked a favour”

What do you do when you’re asked for help?  Love thy neighbour? Treat others as you want to be treated yourself and do whatever is asked?  Well, I chose something else, being wise, honest, looking at the basis of a friendship and saying:  “I am your friend, a Christian, but there are somethings I cannot do, remember I told you that when we first met”.  My husband told me recently that I’d cry at the thought of a banana losing its skin, so you can see why I need a strategy in place  to deal with times when I say yes when I really should say no.  I’m talking here as well about social situations like why I deliberately carry little cash on me when I’m volunteering.  I was recently asked for money on the street, so I’ve learnt from that and carry enough to give when told it’s needed for an emergency but not enough to feed a habit.  We’re talking as little here as one pound.

Throughout my Christian journey I’ve greatly benefited from the experience of others and was initially taken aback to be told to be ‘as innocent as a dove, but wise as a serpent’.  That was a greatly empowering piece of advice for me.  The words used weren’t dreamt up by some skeptic, but are Jesus own words to his disciples as he sent them out on mission.  Right now I’m imagining I can see Jesus saying it to me rather than to his disciples. It gives me peace.

Matthew 10 :16

¹⁶I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

I had been going to write about “Difficult Times to be a Christian #1: In an argument” but decided #1 should go to “Volunteering”.  Last night I was volunteering in Belfast, just teas, coffees and a chat, kind of stuff.  I cry regularly on the way home, and last night, as I got into bed, was no exception.  Minus 4 degrees C, and an incredibly heavy frost on the cars as I came through the silent town.  There were 4 blankets on my bed and the wee fat dog, snug on her thermal woolly blanket was snoring contentedly nearby.  I had left behind, sleeping on the pavement in Belfast a young man wrapped in one thin blanket.  He was quiet, good natured, apologetic, bloated with illness and so very very cold.  Ask him, and so many like him what they are are giving up for Lent, and they’d probably say “Life”. “Why leave him behind?”  you ask? Well, that is “Difficult Times #1″

I’ve learnt that to carry around in my heart every sad situation I find myself in would totally incapacitate me.  When I was out walking yesterday during the day, I decided that lunchtimes I see too much.  Evenings it’s dark and on country roads I’ll get run over, so mornings are probably best.  It’s when I’m at my best as well, when my own personal struggles of the day don’t squeeze to one side  my capacity to pray for others.  Last night, my evening had been started at a prayer vigil at a church in Belfast, where we prayed for our team’s protection, for the right words to say and a Christian heart as we meet many whose predicament is self induced and who hurl abuse at ‘do gooders’.  As we leave our shift our prayers become those for the rough sleepers, the people we see looking for food in bins, and for the painfully thin grown men who take handfuls of chocolate biscuits and numerous cups of hot sweet tea and chicken soup all in one disorganised sweep of our table. The vast majority of these people are not under the influence of any substance.

You’d be surprised though how many wouldn’t take a cup of tea from me if they knew I was a Christian, and I can only guess and be saddened by what torment or pain makes them so wary.  But that is all I do, no hidden agenda, no trick, just a cup of tea.  I mustn’t fit the usual visual “Christian type” as many conversations start with “Met a load of Christians earlier on tryin’ to convert me but I didn’t take their tea”.  Now, I’m strong enough in my faith to counter that, so each situation is handled differently, and I would never lie about my faith.  No one has stormed off once I do start to chat.  To be honest, I think when 99% of them sober up they’d be embarrassed about what they said or how they behaved.  A young man came back last night to thank the volunteers for getting him home a couple of weeks ago.  His is one of the usual stories in such situations, too much celebrating leading to total incapacity, but somehow he made it to where he knew he’d be safe and the volunteers got  him home safe.  I looked at that young man last night, health and happiness shining out of him and thanked God for the hands who’d helped him and for his courage in coming to say “thankyou”.

I don’t know where the fella with the one blanket is now, but he’ll be in my prayers for ever more.  As is the young man I met over a year ago with no shoes,shivering on another frosty night.  I remember his name and all his circunstances.

Lead me, Lord, lead me in thy righteousness, make my way plain before my face.  For it is thou, Lord, thou Lord only, that makest me dwell in safety.

Hello! It’s been about a year now since I last shared my thoughts with the world wide web, doing something I said I’d never do, blog. Briefly, last time I was writing here, I lived in poverty for a mere week and it literally did change my life, well my behaviours anyway. Ok, so since then I haven’t used my grown-up son’s dirty bath water or deprived the birds of stale bread, but it has changed my attitude to every single meal time and shopping tends to be more about need rather than desire.

I thought this year I’d blog every few days during Lent. Just the random thoughts of a God fearin’ woman over 40 days. Now don’t panic, it’s not going to be some personal/public crutch to help me fast or give up chocolate, as talking about how we observe Lent can be seen as being a bit showy. Having said that, what I write about stems mostly from what I think, so you’ll probably guess just what I’m at as I no doubt struggle “to observe a holy Lent, through self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial;and by reading and meditating on God’s word.” (This is from Church of Ireland Book of Common Prayer, Service for Ash Wednesday The Beginning of Lent, part of an explanation of the meaning of Lent.) Do you know, I like to see that written as there are so many things we can be embarrassed to ask, so I’m glad something is there to guide me.

This Lent I’m trying to focus my thoughts a bit more, I suppose that’s meditating and pray as I walk, a different route every day and today was a lovely crisp morning to kick off. I was just thinking, “Difficult Places to be a Christian # 1 : The Long, Long, Long Queue”. I sat in a queue on Monday for about an hour and a half. Initially, thinking I’d only be 10 or 15 minutes at most, I got out a book, but after 10 mins I felt bad reading God’s word as I sat with one eye on the front of the queue while that same eye subtly made sure nobody jumped the queue. So outwardly at least I might have passed ‘Christian Behaviour 101′. Time wore on however, and that roving eye fell into the bad company of other roving eyes and together they gained courage and then the loose tongues joined in followed by the tapping feet. When my time eventually came I listened politely to the reasons given for the delay (which were very understandable). As I took my turn, my eye fell on my exposed wrist, I had forgotten I wear a bracelet made of little ‘Jesus fish’ (each one called an ichthys). I wondered, had I been a good example of a Christian? Next time you’re in a long long queue, stop and think. If you call yourself ‘Christian’ you could very well be (to the person who looks after your needs) the yard stick for every Christian in the world.